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Quarterlife Queer

A never ending story

Let’s talk for a second about a chronic illness I have.. it’s called an unbalanced life.

My symptoms include  living in a bubble of serious, extreme frustration with life, lack of fun, chronic complaining, over analysis of every thing, extreme calendering, the inability to not plan things out leading to extreme aversion of plans from being overwhelmed, sailor mouth (ok..that might just be me),  debbie downer-ism even when I don’t feel down…and the list goes on.

This chronic disease has followed me around since birth. I was the child that sat on the front steps contemplating life and watching the other kids play. I was the teen who hung out with mostly people in their twenties and the young adult that didn’t spend my 21st birthday at the bar (ugh..that story is really messed up though so we won’t go down that road).

I simply can’t seem to figure out how to do it all.. and by all I mean how to work hard and be focused, be good to myself, have a great relationship, and have a kick ass social life. I can get two or three of the four down at a time..but NEVER all of them.  I usually put the ones I can’t fit onto my plate away and forget about them until I can’t bare life any more and then realize “Oh, no wonder I am burned out and sad..I’m not taking care of myself or having a social life”..

You are reading this and shaking your head..you have the urge to comment to this blog that life is all just one big balancing act and that with time and age I’ll learn..right? Or you are rolling your eyes and saying get over it..just do it..right?

Yeah, that has been my response too..for years. For years when I was getting straight A’s and falling in love but forgetting to sleep or eat food that didn’t contain 100% sugar and caffeine.. or years where I was missing classes to make it to work and wracking up debt because I refused to live without a new outfit every week (ah..to be 21 with a Gap card again)..Flash and burn relationships?? I did that… Dropping out of all my friends lives suddenly and then popping back up 3 months later..Did that! Taking 18 hours my last semester when I only needed 12 just because..Owned that! Worked 12 hours a day for a week AND did grad work AND held down a long distance relationship with a princess AND coordinated a move across the country AND had panic attacks while driving..CREATED THAT!!

So when does that wisdom with experience and age start to play? I’m 26 yeah sure.. but I have goals and ambitions and I live in a city where there is something to do every damn night.. I’m missing out on life on all levels because I keep getting stuck having to back track to run down that part of my life I dropped back there and starting over.

When do we fast forward to the part where I’m all being FIERCE, smart, and ambitious all day in my Dapper Boi outfits..then jetting off for a fab 5k..and getting drinks with a bunch of amazing other young people that also have this fab life..and then leaving to have a romantic dinner… and when do my weekends get filled with wild inappropriate behavior at parties that I will later have to explain in my later political life..and weekends away for cute cuddling and raunchy sexiness???

Oh.. what is that you say?? I can’t have it all right away? I have to work hard on each thing and build toward all of that amazingness? I’m only 26 no matter how old I feel?

Fine. FINE! I’ll just take my time and work it out..

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