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Quarterlife Queer

A never ending story

I guess in saying everything I have in the last two posts I should share how I self identify my sexuality. I, as stated before, believe that Queer is an umbrella term that houses all the LGBTQ… community. To me a stud is queer the same way a femme is queer. We are all one big happy queer family. But I do believe that under that umbrella their are a multitude of sub-identities. I self identify as Same-Gender Loving.

Same Gender Loving (SGL) is a term coined by AA’s to define homosexuality outside of the eurocentric homosexual definition. (Kinda like Womanist vs Feminist except without as much theoretical difference behind it) SGL speaks to the spiritual connection rather than the sex. (Since almost everything based in a eurocentric mindset is lacking in spirit..another blog for another day) I love the fact that it has the word “Loving” in it…not “sexual” but “loving”.  This is the basis of what it means..nothing too elaborate, but like with every queer identity there is more to that definition as it pertains to me.

To me the word “Gender” is just as important as the word “Loving”. I spent two years of undergrad immersing myself in gender theory, learning about how gender is different than sex, learning how it is formed and how it is expressed. The simple fact is we do gender, it has nothing to do with our sex per say although it sometimes lines up. Gender is a spectrum..from hyper masculine to hyper feminine and we all fall in there somewhere.Gender is also fluid, changing, encompassing more than what we know.

The gender that I “do” is female but very close to androgynous, although a lot of my behaviors can be seen as masculine (I am ever changing and the older I get the harder I lean on the androgynous line) So as a SGL individual I am attracted to other individuals that “do” female or androgyny.

My girlfriend is 500% female, she is a High Femme…and as Fabu as she can be. I’ve never been with anyone that does female the way that she does and I LOVE IT! She is the epitome of what I’ve always wanted in a female and a partner..she is the epitome of a lot of things..but I’ll save that for later 😉

Easy to understand huh? Well here comes the “gotcha gotcha”  that seems to make some ppl say..”Huh?” I’m also  attracted to men(biological) that can bring that same female energy.(GASP) Now I must follow that by saying..honey..I don’t have sex with men (biological or in gender) so no matter if they were bringing some level of femininity that hasn’t even been charted yet bc it’s so BRIGHT..if they have some extra body parts I could NEVER get down. Now,post operation..hmm..I’ve never been in that situation to tell you how I feel about that. But I am attracted..I will take a double look, i will comment on how beautiful they are..and I do have a crush on a certain beautiful man named B. Scott! (who doesn’t)

That no men rule applies to gender as well as sex. I don’t do well with girls more masculine than me. Studs, AG’s, Bois…nope..they all do their Gender as male and since I am a Same Gender Loving FEMALE they get no play from me.

Got it?

I guess to recap, I love people whose gender is female…whether they are biologically female or male..but I’m only sexually attracted to people that are biologically female. That seems easy to me..but I understand that I don’t fit into most peoples definition of a I only use that word when its used by others first. But I’m use to not fitting in neatly (another post for another day)

So this exploration is not over… I think I could talk about Queer Identity all day 🙂



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