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Quarterlife Queer

A never ending story

Monthly Archives: June 2009

Because this song gives me LIFE..

I love music that makes me remember why I fell in love with music in the first place…


I guess in saying everything I have in the last two posts I should share how I self identify my sexuality. I, as stated before, believe that Queer is an umbrella term that houses all the LGBTQ… community. To me a stud is queer the same way a femme is queer. We are all one big happy queer family. But I do believe that under that umbrella their are a multitude of sub-identities. I self identify as Same-Gender Loving.

Same Gender Loving (SGL) is a term coined by AA’s to define homosexuality outside of the eurocentric homosexual definition. (Kinda like Womanist vs Feminist except without as much theoretical difference behind it) SGL speaks to the spiritual connection rather than the sex. (Since almost everything based in a eurocentric mindset is lacking in spirit..another blog for another day) I love the fact that it has the word “Loving” in it…not “sexual” but “loving”.  This is the basis of what it means..nothing too elaborate, but like with every queer identity there is more to that definition as it pertains to me.

To me the word “Gender” is just as important as the word “Loving”. I spent two years of undergrad immersing myself in gender theory, learning about how gender is different than sex, learning how it is formed and how it is expressed. The simple fact is we do gender, it has nothing to do with our sex per say although it sometimes lines up. Gender is a spectrum..from hyper masculine to hyper feminine and we all fall in there somewhere.Gender is also fluid, changing, encompassing more than what we know.

The gender that I “do” is female but very close to androgynous, although a lot of my behaviors can be seen as masculine (I am ever changing and the older I get the harder I lean on the androgynous line) So as a SGL individual I am attracted to other individuals that “do” female or androgyny.

My girlfriend is 500% female, she is a High Femme…and as Fabu as she can be. I’ve never been with anyone that does female the way that she does and I LOVE IT! She is the epitome of what I’ve always wanted in a female and a partner..she is the epitome of a lot of things..but I’ll save that for later 😉

Easy to understand huh? Well here comes the “gotcha gotcha”  that seems to make some ppl say..”Huh?” I’m also  attracted to men(biological) that can bring that same female energy.(GASP) Now I must follow that by saying..honey..I don’t have sex with men (biological or in gender) so no matter if they were bringing some level of femininity that hasn’t even been charted yet bc it’s so BRIGHT..if they have some extra body parts I could NEVER get down. Now,post operation..hmm..I’ve never been in that situation to tell you how I feel about that. But I am attracted..I will take a double look, i will comment on how beautiful they are..and I do have a crush on a certain beautiful man named B. Scott! (who doesn’t)

That no men rule applies to gender as well as sex. I don’t do well with girls more masculine than me. Studs, AG’s, Bois…nope..they all do their Gender as male and since I am a Same Gender Loving FEMALE they get no play from me.

Got it?

I guess to recap, I love people whose gender is female…whether they are biologically female or male..but I’m only sexually attracted to people that are biologically female. That seems easy to me..but I understand that I don’t fit into most peoples definition of a I only use that word when its used by others first. But I’m use to not fitting in neatly (another post for another day)

So this exploration is not over… I think I could talk about Queer Identity all day 🙂


As I continue to delve into thinking about how we form individual ideals of what queer identity is (as much for a topic here as in my own exploration of my identity), I think it’s important to think about how this variable identity intersects with all of our other identities…thinking about how they over lap and intertwine…how they are distinct yet so much alike.

There are also a million questions about how individuals with multiple identities work them…How many do you have? Do you form and individual understanding of each or just let them fall into place based on society? Can they change?

Most of us have multiple identities, and many of us have multiple identities that are social “marginalized” or considered “minorities”.  For example I am a triple “minority”… Black/Queer/Female. Each of my identities hold their own weight, they have their own meanings which have nothing to do with the others and everything to do with the others. They are three distinct identities that while they appear to be completely separate they can not be. I am at all times all of these things, I can’t put away my sex and just be my race nor can I put away my race and just be queer.  And while I can’t separate them, i also can’t protect them from each other. I can’t shield my queerness from the homophobia of the black community and I can’t shield my blackness from the white queers that have no idea what it means to have more than one oppressive force standing on their neck.

All multi-identity people must find a balance of these identities, must find a way to 1) identify the way that makes them comfortable, 2) confront and deal with the intersections of these identities and 3) develop a way to fit into all of the communities you are part of.

I think for many QPOC this can be very difficult, especially when one of there communities is oppressive of  another.One of my biggest pet peeves (and I know that some people just can’t balance) are QPOC that choose one identity over the other. The type that  that despite the fact that homophobia and heterosexism blatantly effects their lives they will abandon and even openly detach themselves from queer issues to make a point that racism is more relevant to them. How do you choose which of your own identities doesn’t deserve to be fought for? How do you separate and neglect one identity from the other? To me that sounds like cutting off your nose to spite your face.

How many identities do you have? And how do you balance them when they are conflicting? Do you have one that you identify with more? Do you find yourself in a community of people that identify with all the same identities as you are do the people you spend time with share just one and are otherwise diverse?

I never really thought about how many questions there are to ask about identity…hmmm