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Quarterlife Queer

A never ending story

I need a time machine. Seriously. Not to go back in time and re-live or change anything.No. I want to see into the future. Specifically, I want to see myself at 30. What will I be like in 7 years? Will I have my masters? My Ph.D? Where will I live? What will I be doing? Will I have the same friends that I have now? Will I like the same things that I do now? Will I have accomplished all I have set out to do by then? Will I have kids? Will I have these locs? What tragic things will have happened? Will my Granny be alive? Will I be alive?

I use to have everything all figured out about my future. In 10th grade we had to write our own obituaries. (Later our teacher got in a bunch of trouble for making a bunch of 15 yr olds write about their own death..but it was actually kind of fun.) I remember sitting down and writing out a beautiful story about my life and the children I would have and my two careers (at that point I was still convinced at 40 i would go back to school and change my career). I think I died at 100 or so.  That next year, the future changed for me as the husband in my obituary became my wife. In 12th grade I had to do a wedding project in Sociology. Since I was the most out queer spokesperson in the entire school (my highschool was VERY queer friendly, with a host of queer students and teachers) of course I made my wedding to a girl (My first). It was a beautiful wedding(my dress was very Hillary Swank Million Dollar Baby Oscar dress, minus the long sleeves and cuter in the front)..I did a really good job and of course got an “A”. I knew what college I was going to my freshman year of high school, I knew what I was going to study and it all came true. But if you asked me 7 yrs ago what I thought my life would be like now I never could have even imagined some of the stuff that has happened to me in those 7 years.

I use to always have it figured out every time something major changed in my life. “Ok, now that this has happened my future will look like..this.” I wanted to have all my children before I was 30. I wanted to be a Psychologist and live oversees. Now, for the very first time I just don’t know. I feel like in the last year I have learned to stop planning and just go with the opportunities that I come across. I took the blinders off to things outside of the ” Master Plan”. I have learned in my chosen field that sometimes (almost all the time) your job takes you away from the life you make and most ppl never really settle or have kids till much much later.

I just wish I could have a peek into my life at 30..

But since I don’t have a time machine I’ll just pray to Oshun for good health and prosperity, I’ll pray to Oya to bring the winds of change to continue to let me learn and grow, and I’ll pray to Yemaya to keep me safe along the journey.

oh..so this video is mad random BUT these two beautiful souls came to me in a dream last night.. And this piece is so perfect..no?

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