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Quarterlife Queer

A never ending story

Monthly Archives: January 2009

1. I started drinking coffee when I was 3. I use to drink it in my Garfield mug on the weekends. I LOVE coffee to this day (even though it doesn’t love me back) But, I think it stunted my growth. There is no way I was supposed to be this short. I mean..I’m 5’4 and wear a size 10 shoe..and can damn near palm a basketball..um..I’m sure I was supposed to be at least 3 inches taller.
2. I have never been in the closet..and I’ll never be in one. I am who I am..and if anyone has a problem with that..it’s not my problem. I am a Queer WOC, I can’t be anything else. I’mma do me regardless of what you think.
3. Music is sanity to me. If I’m not listening to music then I’m humming it. I live to find new artists and new songs before they become mainstream. I love music in other languages..even though I don’t always know what they are saying. I just feel like when you don’t know what the words mean..you have to be more in tune to the emotion behind the music.
4. I was born 7 weeks early. I was supposed to be a 4th of July baby, but I had other things in mind. My heart stopped during delivery. I like to say I saw death before I knew life. (that’s some deep ish right there.lol)
5. I love the outdoors (when it’s not cold). My first word was “outside”…no lie. I love to feel the sun on my skin and the wind through my hair. I need to move somewhere with good weather so I can walk barefoot in the grass all year long.
6. I LOVE the building we live in. I love the café downstairs and the caterers that feed us, and the labyrinth out front.
7. I’m addicted to sugar. I love sweets, mainly ice cream and tres leches (which I had yesterday) One of my new years resolutions was to break the need for sugar..so far I have been eating less and less..I’m so proud of myself for not going into withdrawals and snapping on people.lol
8. I love the nature of my work. I think I was put on this earth to stand up for those that can’t stand up for themselves and to be an agent of change. I love working with progressive people on progressive politics.
9. My latest tattoo means the most to me. The quote “Your silence will not protect you” resonates in my soul. I try to live my life, always remembering this quote, knowing that nothing can improve if it is swept under the rug or if we stay silent. When I feel/see/hear about injustice..I scream from the mountain tops.
10. I’ve never broken a bone or had surgery.. but I’ve had pneumonia 10+ times. It really is amazing that my lungs work properly. Thank you Universe for letting me “semi” grow out of my Asthma.
11. At some part of my life I want to be able to say I spend more time outside of the U.S. than at home. I want to see the world.

12. I have a tendency to drop out of peoples life when my plate gets too full. Most of the time my disappearances are to protect my friends from whatever is bothering me,I always find a way back to my true friends though with no love lost..(Right V?) My real friends get me.
13. I have never been drunk. I drink and drink and drink..and nothing. I guess I have some weird genes. One day I want to get sloppy..just to have the story to tell.
14. I think American food is boring.. burgers and fries are not REAL food. I could live solely on Ethiopian, Indian, and Cuban/Caribean/Mexican.
15. I have a BIG ego. Beyonce wrote a song about me on her last album.lol j/k Really, I spent a large majority of my childhood being insecure about myself..now I love me and I want the world to know it.
16. I am loud, opinionated, and sassy. I am also humble (about most things), loving, and optimistic…I think it all balances out.
17. I don’t believe in this distorted man made Christianity the world is trying to pawn off on us. But I do love me some gospel music.lol
18. My anxiety can go from 0 to 1000 in less than 30 seconds. I’m such a worrier. If I start worrying about one thing I’ll have a long list of things to worry about in no time. I think it’s getting better though. I’ve learned not to worry about what I can’t change.
19. I’ve never met my father..I know who the sucka is and where he is…we just both do our best to not see each other. It’s worked out for the last 22 years.
20. 2009 is my year..I’m claiming it. It’s my year to have fun, be happy, and enjoy life..mos def!
21. I am a total musical whore. The last thing I saw on stage was “Wicked” and it was AMAZING. I can’t wait to see “Rent” this summer!
22. I am also a fashion/gossip blog whore..I need the nonsense to keep me sane. Sometimes reality is just bogs me down..but YBF keeps me balanced.
23. I have a really hard time finishing a book. I start one and before I can finish (no matter how good it is) I start another book.
24. I am restless..all the time. I can’t sit still..can’t stay in one place too long. I always need something to do.
25. I am thankful..so very thankful everyday that I wake up. I’m thankful for all the lessons I have to learn, big and small. I’m thankful for all that’s good and all that’s not. And most important.. I am thankful for all the people in my life that care and love for me.

I need a time machine. Seriously. Not to go back in time and re-live or change anything.No. I want to see into the future. Specifically, I want to see myself at 30. What will I be like in 7 years? Will I have my masters? My Ph.D? Where will I live? What will I be doing? Will I have the same friends that I have now? Will I like the same things that I do now? Will I have accomplished all I have set out to do by then? Will I have kids? Will I have these locs? What tragic things will have happened? Will my Granny be alive? Will I be alive?

I use to have everything all figured out about my future. In 10th grade we had to write our own obituaries. (Later our teacher got in a bunch of trouble for making a bunch of 15 yr olds write about their own death..but it was actually kind of fun.) I remember sitting down and writing out a beautiful story about my life and the children I would have and my two careers (at that point I was still convinced at 40 i would go back to school and change my career). I think I died at 100 or so.  That next year, the future changed for me as the husband in my obituary became my wife. In 12th grade I had to do a wedding project in Sociology. Since I was the most out queer spokesperson in the entire school (my highschool was VERY queer friendly, with a host of queer students and teachers) of course I made my wedding to a girl (My first). It was a beautiful wedding(my dress was very Hillary Swank Million Dollar Baby Oscar dress, minus the long sleeves and cuter in the front)..I did a really good job and of course got an “A”. I knew what college I was going to my freshman year of high school, I knew what I was going to study and it all came true. But if you asked me 7 yrs ago what I thought my life would be like now I never could have even imagined some of the stuff that has happened to me in those 7 years.

I use to always have it figured out every time something major changed in my life. “Ok, now that this has happened my future will look like..this.” I wanted to have all my children before I was 30. I wanted to be a Psychologist and live oversees. Now, for the very first time I just don’t know. I feel like in the last year I have learned to stop planning and just go with the opportunities that I come across. I took the blinders off to things outside of the ” Master Plan”. I have learned in my chosen field that sometimes (almost all the time) your job takes you away from the life you make and most ppl never really settle or have kids till much much later.

I just wish I could have a peek into my life at 30..

But since I don’t have a time machine I’ll just pray to Oshun for good health and prosperity, I’ll pray to Oya to bring the winds of change to continue to let me learn and grow, and I’ll pray to Yemaya to keep me safe along the journey.

oh..so this video is mad random BUT these two beautiful souls came to me in a dream last night.. And this piece is so perfect..no?