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Quarterlife Queer

A never ending story

Blog writings from email while I listen to the UPeople episodes I have missed and think about lunch.

Still on the subject of growth, I think I have digested more of my experiences. One of the main things that stayed on my brain while at NWSA was the question of whether I should be in a more research friendly field of study. I thought to myself at every session about how interesting it would be to read socio theory and feminist works for a living, maybe to teach it, or maybe to document it. I always seem to come back to the question of whether what I am doing is what I really deep down should be doing. My undergrad focus was rooted deeply in theory and now my grad focus is more about acquiring skills to become a technician. I am never pressed to form an original idea or challenge the ideas of others based on what else I have read, I am now following the required steps to form an unbiased recommendation based on the face-value research and reports of others. In my field I am not suppose to take into account variables that can’t be quantified. I feel constrained often, as if I am becoming a computer producing statistical reports.

But I had to remind myself that I could make the marriage of my past studies and my present a wonderful event.

The fact is that there has to be a lens that one must look through to find the answer to any question. Yes, I will be a technician but I don’t have to abandon the fact that I look at everything from the experience I have. I don’t have to forget that I have been reading Audre Lorde since highschool or that it interests me to read DuBois and Freire. I thought about the first policy brief I wrote in my program, it illustrated the negative effects that male-centered drug programs had on the recidivism of female offenders and suggested that if the justice department mandated treatment specifically for women we could prevent the incarceration cycle. So I guess subconsciously I have already married them, my focus tending to lead toward issues that affect women, education, LGBT, and the oppressed.

All my worrying that I was abandoning what I loved most about sociology, psychology, Africana and women’s studies seems pointless. It also helped that there were women presenting on Public Policy issues at NWSA, that was comforting. I am comforted.

I may still be outside of what a “good” public policy analyst should be, I feel like after I graduate I can feel good about the policy I write about and any education I pursue later down the world… For the very first time I am completely ok with my choice..


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