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Quarterlife Queer

A never ending story

The last post I wrote got deleted while I tried to edit it on my cell phone..BLAH

Since the last time I wrote I have come in contact with many new experiences that have caused a lot of thinking, questioning, and discovery about myself and the world I live in. I did a lot of traveling in the last two weeks or so, in a six day period I traveled to Ohio for the NWSA conference and to DC for a work retreat.

Part of what made me think the most was this movement. Going from one city to the next, changing environments, climates, accents…  In each city I did a large amount of walking; in Ohio I walked because we wanted to see the city and in DC I walked because thats what you do in DC and thats part of why I love it. Walking makes you pay attention to your surroundings in a way that driving or riding can’t, it makes you part of the city.  In Ohio we took the time to discover how different it was from St. Louis. The buildings a mixture of mostly new and old and abandoned. Everything old looked singed around the edges like burnt paper. In DC I sat in Franklin Square Park and watched the city move, and it was beautiful. It was so beautiful that I sat there before and after my meetings on my last day. Some people would have thought the hustle and bustle mixed with the abundance of homeless people on benches and the green water of a fountain that wasn’t on was nothing beautiful… but I guess I just like REAL life .

My trips also provided me with two perceptions on life, in Ohio I was one in a group of six ( my partner and her poet friends where all presenting at NWSA so we went in a large group) I was one of six in the car, one of six in the hotel room, and one of six navigating our way through the city and to and from conference sessions. I discovered very quickly that I do not work well in groups, especially in groups of people that don’t really have a concept of other people’s time or feelings. I also learned that I care too much, trying to mentally find ways to be accommodating and take other’s feelings in consideration.  I found this all out (mixed with the anxiety that mass confusion) while walking down a street eating a sandwich.  I completely lost myself in that group, I was frustrated and drained.. but I got it together after my partner and I spent a few hours away watching documentaries and hearing a panel on mail order brides.  In DC I was alone, the first time I had ever visited any city alone. I flew, grabbed a cab , stayed in a beautiful hotel, found my way to all my meetings, walked around the city… all alone. It was amazingly refreshing not to be in a big group, to walk streets lined with people and have nobody to talk to, just to be in my head thinking.

All of this thinking I did is still happening, and there were so many conversations and events that this will have to be continued over many posts… welcome to my journey.


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