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Quarterlife Queer

A never ending story

Monthly Archives: February 2008

It is with deep sadness that I update you on my last post. My friend Dora was found dead last night in St. Charles. They have not given out any information on her death other than not suspecting foul play. I found out the news while I was at my cousin’s funeral this afternoon. I am so emotionally drained between the two deaths that I can’t think straight.

I just ask that you keep Dora’s family and friends in your prayers.

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I planned to write about a hate crime in California. But something terrible has happened in my world. One of my highschool classmates is MISSING! Her name is Dora Magrath and she has been missing since Thursday. Her disappearance has not been covered as much as it should be by the media and from what I hear U City police don’t know much or have any leads. Dora is one of the sweetest people I know and I can’t imagine her doing anything to herself. She is 22 and an amazing singer who just a few weeks ago released her first album.

dora.jpg

She is a Caucasian woman, standing 5’6″ and weighing 120 pounds, with dark brown hair. She was last seen wearing a black coat, aqua sweater, brown shoes and carrying a black purse.

Please..if anyone has seen Dora in the last couple of days please contact the U City Police depeartment and if you live in St. Louis please email this picture to everyone you know in the city.

Please help us find Dora!!

I started the day off listening to Bush make promises to Cuba and reading about the push to ban affirmative action in Missouri…

Sometimes I forget we have a president.. I just kind of glaze over thinking about the president of the future, but then he pops up spewing his “Democracy” BS… (it still disturbs me that they call this a democracy when it isn’t)

I wouldn’t be surprised if this ban on affirmative action makes it through… I have to find a place to live with less rednecks and people that think race isn’t important anymore. I need to find a place where people are aware of the shit around them, even if they are not working to fix it.. at least acknowledge it..we can work on the rest later.

This country needs a psychologist to help it deal with its denial.

Today is just another one of those days.

I find that a common quarterlifer problem is the education/experience divide. In a time where most of use are going straight from high school to undergrad to grad school we are becoming a generation of young hungry intellects. In many fields having more education than experience works out, such as law or business. People in those fields want the young and new to bring the next big thing and to devote their lives to working.

But in many other professions where the generations before us are still dominating the field, youth and inexperience can be handicaps. Its hard to accept that with your masters you won’t find a job higher than entry level and you won’t make enough to pay back all your loans and live. That’s depressing.

I think about that a lot in my fields. I’m in a masters program because my B.S. counts for shit so I already can’t get a job, my masters requires some additional school or a fellowship to even be entertained in the job market, and my life’s passion requires years of internship and volunteering in order to network your way to a real job.

So maybe this isn’t the biggest deal for quarterlifers, maybe most of us don’t even think about stuff like this, but for me its a real problem. Mainly because when people meet me they think I am “so cute”, they assume I am in the undergrad program, they are taken back to hear that I am 22 ” oh how cute, you are so young”. It doesn’t help that I am all t-shirts and jeans. ( But thats a whole different issue for me, the mystery of how I should look)

I feel like I have pressure on me to look older( pressure from myself), and I try very hard but it just leaves me confused and unhappy. There are so many more things in this world to think about and I feel like I am wasting my time thinking about how other perceive me. I suddenly feel like an 8th grader again, uncertain about how I fit in and how I am suppose to fit in. Before this year I never cared and now I am so bothered about it.

I’m like a shedding snake, the old familiar skin falling away but the new vibrant colors underneath are only showing themselves a little at a time. I’m just a restless snake wanting the old skin gone and the new skin showing… RIGHT NOW!

See what Grad school is doing to my brain???

Happy Valentine’s Day!! I know for many people this day really just annoys the hell out of them..I’ve been there. But even if you are not in a relationship or are not buying into another commercial holiday I think it is a good time to think about all the people in your life that you love and all the people that love you. My very first Valentine was my mom…see you don’t have to have a significant other..just a loved one.

Oh..and if you are feeling down I found out 2 years ago that the best way to cheer yourself up involves cheesecake, a pedicure, and the mall…lol

There was a horrible shoot out at the Kirkwood City Hall last week. I watched it on the news as it played out. Every channel was covering the blood bath that was the result of a much larger problem in all of St. Louis. While St. Louis (City) is ranked as one of the most dangerous cities in the country the County is suffering from other problems, racism and gentrification.

I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t watching the news saying “oooh I hope he is not black”  St. Louis is just not the place that you want to give white people a reason to justify kicking a neighborhood out of a municipality for a shopping center. They have it bad here. The area the shooter was from, Meechum Park, already had that happen. Over half of the neighborhood was used for a mega Walmart and friends development. ( The same has happened in Maplewood for a Walmart, Richmond Heights for a Target, and another part of Richmond Heights that has been slated to be bulldozed in a few years.)

You see St. Louis County has come up with the master plan of buying up all the predominantly black low income neighborhoods and building stores and condos that these people may or may not be able to afford. Its happening in North City as well, even though there was for a long time movement toward rebuilding for the community.

I also know that if they can’t buy you out they will make your life a living hell. I have had many family members and the church I grew up in fall victim to gentrification. The residents in Meechum park are treated like second rate citizens. I have heard plenty of stories about police harassing people and people getting fined for things randomly. I have also heard white people that had to go to city council meetings with their black friends so that the city council would take them serious. But all of this is not new, Meechum Park has been Kirkwood’s step child since segregation. Generations and generations of people have had to endure this treatment.

Does all of that justify a person to kill a bunch of people…. of course not. But I ask what does one do when every other thing doesn’t seem to work? When you just can’t take it and nobody is listening to you because they are too busy trying to keep you and your little neighborhood from being part of theirs? I mean from what I see “war” is how we deal with governments that don’t comply…. right… thats why we are in Iraq..right??

You can only push a person so far before they get desperate , and a desperate person is a dangerous person.

This was backlash of a problem white people in St. Louis don’t think exists, but it does. I think its time to stop ignoring it.

The social theory/nonfiction/lesbian selections of a Black Lesbian during BHM (or anytime else):

Nigger: The Strange Career of a Troublesome Word – Randall Kennedy

Afrekete: An Analogy of Black Lesbian Writing – Catherine E. Mckinley

Modern Black Nationalism: From Marcus Garvey to Louis Farrakhan – William L. Van DeBurg

Even the Rat was White: A Historical View of Psychology – Robert Guthrie

Know Thyself – Na’im Akbar

Assata: An Autobiography – Assata Shakur

Zami: A New Spelling of My Name – Audre Lorde

Women, Race, & Class – Angela Davis

Black Sexual Politics: African Americans, Gender, and the New Racism – Patricia Hill Collins

The Souls of Black Folks – W.E.B. Du Bois

Just a short list…

Reading keeps my brain from slipping into Public Policy coma..

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