I GOT THE APARTMENT OF MY DREAMS! (ok well not of my dreams but the one that I really wanted) I sign the lease and get the keys tomorrow at lunch.

A very wise soul told me that getting this apartment and the blessings around it (getting out of my lease without having to pay up front and being able to move ASAP) is “very indicative that u are on the right path”…

Thank you… I do believe that is true. Starting Fresh.

So Thankful! I’m ready to move and ready to post pics of me in my SUN ROOM!!

Be Peace

Hello Blog World! I’ve been away..way too long. I have good reason though. Life has been a big crazy rollercoaster of emotions (GOOD and bad), stress, and exhaustion. But, MAJOR changes have been made and the rollercoaster stopped..I got off..and left the amusement park. (almost)

Long story short I am no longer in a relationship with GF (although for now, and hopefully no more than a week longer, we are still living together in our apartment), I had to drop a class to deal with the stress of a the craziness that is Missouri legislative session (also discovering that Development director is hidden in my job description under “other duties as assigned”) and moving last minute. I got really sick at the beginning of the month ( I never want to do that again..omg) which added even more stress to the mix bc I was OUT of it.

Needless to say I’ve faced many hurdles since this year started.. but I know all this discomfort is just growth (my motto: growth breeds discomfort, discomfort incites progress/change/movement) I know that 2009 is a time for me to grow as a person and take care of myself physically, mentally, and spiritually. It’s time for me to be happy and enjoy my life and the people in it that make it better .As corny as it sounds, I feel like all this is just the beginning of the rest of my life. ( I know..soooo corny but true)

Now that I only have one class and a lot of fun things on the horizon .. I Promise (with a BIG “P”) to update regularly and share.

Be Peace.

<3 <3<3

am⋅bi⋅tion

–noun

1.	an earnest desire for some type of achievement or distinction, as power, honor, fame, or wealth, and the willingness to strive for its attainment: Too much ambition caused him to be disliked by his colleagues.

2.	the object, state, or result desired or sought after: The crown was his ambition.

3.	desire for work or activity; energy: I awoke feeling tired and utterly lacking in ambition.

–verb (used with object)

4.	to seek after earnestly; aspire to.

Play this while you read..it’s my theme song..it get’s me thruuuuu:
Alright – Emily King

Work is killing me! I think about posting here and then I remember that I have 4 websites to tend to at work. I think about going on Facebook and I remember I have groups, pages, and events toset-up  there. OMG. I thought working through the election was crazy…now I am learning what it’s like to work through the Legislative session. Oh and then there is school. I have a five page memo due EVERY Monday…and statistics/research work due on Wednesdays. Can we say overworked?
BUT
I am determined to stay positive and to learn all the lessons there are to learn in this journey. Yeah, I’m mad busy, but I’m soooo blessed to have a job doing meaningful work, and to be learning valuable lessons everyday.

So Universe..I’m venting..not complaining.

Thank you for every new day.

I’ve been away..mad busy. Work. School…Life.

I feel like blogging… maybe soon.

1. I started drinking coffee when I was 3. I use to drink it in my Garfield mug on the weekends. I LOVE coffee to this day (even though it doesn’t love me back) But, I think it stunted my growth. There is no way I was supposed to be this short. I mean..I’m 5’4 and wear a size 10 shoe..and can damn near palm a basketball..um..I’m sure I was supposed to be at least 3 inches taller.
2. I have never been in the closet..and I’ll never be in one. I am who I am..and if anyone has a problem with that..it’s not my problem. I am a Queer WOC, I can’t be anything else. I’mma do me regardless of what you think.
3. Music is sanity to me. If I’m not listening to music then I’m humming it. I live to find new artists and new songs before they become mainstream. I love music in other languages..even though I don’t always know what they are saying. I just feel like when you don’t know what the words mean..you have to be more in tune to the emotion behind the music.
4. I was born 7 weeks early. I was supposed to be a 4^th of July baby, but I had other things in mind. My heart stopped during delivery. I like to say I saw death before I knew life. (that’s some deep ish right there.lol)
5. I love the outdoors (when it’s not cold). My first word was “outside”…no lie. I love to feel the sun on my skin and the wind through my hair. I need to move somewhere with good weather so I can walk barefoot in the grass all year long.
6. I LOVE the building we live in. I love the café downstairs and the caterers that feed us, and the labyrinth out front.
7. I’m addicted to sugar. I love sweets, mainly ice cream and tres leches (which I had yesterday) One of my new years resolutions was to break the need for sugar..so far I have been eating less and less..I’m so proud of myself for not going into withdrawals and snapping on people.lol
8. I love the nature of my work. I think I was put on this earth to stand up for those that can’t stand up for themselves and to be an agent of change. I love working with progressive people on progressive politics.
9. My latest tattoo means the most to me. The quote “Your silence will not protect you” resonates in my soul. I try to live my life, always remembering this quote, knowing that nothing can improve if it is swept under the rug or if we stay silent. When I feel/see/hear about injustice..I scream from the mountain tops.
10. I’ve never broken a bone or had surgery.. but I’ve had pneumonia 10+ times. It really is amazing that my lungs work properly. Thank you Universe for letting me “semi” grow out of my Asthma.
11. At some part of my life I want to be able to say I spend more time outside of the U.S. than at home. I want to see the world.

12. I have a tendency to drop out of peoples life when my plate gets too full. Most of the time my disappearances are to protect my friends from whatever is bothering me,I always find a way back to my true friends though with no love lost..(Right V?) My real friends get me.
13. I have never been drunk. I drink and drink and drink..and nothing. I guess I have some weird genes. One day I want to get sloppy..just to have the story to tell.
14. I think American food is boring.. burgers and fries are not REAL food. I could live solely on Ethiopian, Indian, and Cuban/Caribean/Mexican.
15. I have a BIG ego. Beyonce wrote a song about me on her last album.lol j/k Really, I spent a large majority of my childhood being insecure about myself..now I love me and I want the world to know it.
16. I am loud, opinionated, and sassy. I am also humble (about most things), loving, and optimistic…I think it all balances out.
17. I don’t believe in this distorted man made Christianity the world is trying to pawn off on us. But I do love me some gospel music.lol
18. My anxiety can go from 0 to 1000 in less than 30 seconds. I’m such a worrier. If I start worrying about one thing I’ll have a long list of things to worry about in no time. I think it’s getting better though. I’ve learned not to worry about what I can’t change.
19. I’ve never met my father..I know who the sucka is and where he is…we just both do our best to not see each other. It’s worked out for the last 22 years.
20. 2009 is my year..I’m claiming it. It’s my year to have fun, be happy, and enjoy life..mos def!
21. I am a total musical whore. The last thing I saw on stage was “Wicked” and it was AMAZING. I can’t wait to see “Rent” this summer!
22. I am also a fashion/gossip blog whore..I need the nonsense to keep me sane. Sometimes reality is just bogs me down..but YBF keeps me balanced.
23. I have a really hard time finishing a book. I start one and before I can finish (no matter how good it is) I start another book.
24. I am restless..all the time. I can’t sit still..can’t stay in one place too long. I always need something to do.
25. I am thankful..so very thankful everyday that I wake up. I’m thankful for all the lessons I have to learn, big and small. I’m thankful for all that’s good and all that’s not. And most important.. I am thankful for all the people in my life that care and love for me.

~I’ve decided to start sharing my fun days with you guys~

Today was pretty much GREAT! It started out kinda rough as I had to get up extra early to wait for the DirecTV guy only to find out that all the places our landlord gave us permission to have the satellite won’t pick up a signal. BOO! It’s ok though..we ordered AT&T Uverse so in a few weeks our tv will be back in good working order. (not that I really watch that much..but I would like to DVR the shows I do like and watch them when I can). Impulsively I decided this morning to go ahead and get a tattoo that I have wanted for a long time..so that propelled me through the day…which went like this:

• First, we went to lunch at the yummiest Vietnamese restaurant ever, Mai Lee. I had pork kabobs and the most delicious fried catfish in fish sauce. I also ate some of Gf’s Bo Luc Lac. I love Vietnamese..and they know us there so it’s always a positive dining experience.
• Next we stopped at Jilly’s Cupcake Bar for some carryout sweets. When we got there I was surprised and pleased to see that one of my fave high school homies, Amanda, was working there..she is so sweet and GORGEOUS. I miss hanging out with her. Manda, my friend Carrie (who we hang out with sometime nowadays) and I use to have so much fun! Anyway, their cupcakes are soo good! Unfortunately we got there late in the day and there was only 3-4 kinds of cupcakes left. I got a PB and Chocolate and Gf got a Bee Sting.
• Then we headed to Iron Age to get my ink. Most people in St. Louis avoid Iron Age because they charge an arm and leg for tattoos simply because of their location and their “cool” factor (they are located in my old neighborhood U City in  The Loop near Washington University..so they get a lot of rich brat students who wannabe cool and are willing to pay whatever) But I got my last tat there and I do prefer their professionalism and the fact that they are artists that can do more than crank out the patterns in the pictures on the wall. I had to wait a few hours because it was busy..but once I got in the chair it took no time at all to get the job done perfectly..I’m really happy with it. Actually, I LOVE IT! It’s so Hot.. SEE:
  

  "Your silence will not protect you" Audre Lorde

• After I was all inked up we swung by my Mom’s to pick up my Angie Evans CD that I accidentally sent to her address instead of mine (note to self..check address before purchasing using PayPal next time). I am really falling in love with this CD already..yay!
• On our way back to our side of town we stopped for coffee. First we tried to go to Coffee Cartel, but parking in the Central West End is impossible and it was just too cold to hike. So we headed over to Mokabe’s. (both establishments are queer folk hangouts) Mokabe’s was nice.. it’s pretty quiet in the evenings and for once the baristas didn’t have attitudes.
• Now, I’m home..listening to Angie sing and staring adoringly at my tattoo..

Tomorrow..I’ll post about the significance of the tattoo and how that quote has shaped my life.

Oh..and my bestest friend from high school asked me to be in her wedding next year! I am beyond excited bc since moving back I haven’t really talked to her very much. I love her so much and hope that this will give us much needed hangout time. I feel like such a bad friend sometimes..I need to make a better effort to stay connected with the ppl I really care about in my life.

Hello Everyone! I am pleased to announce that this Quarterlifer has a new JOB! The position and the organization are super exciting and I can’t wait. I am so thankful to work in one of the only fields that doesn’t know there is a recession. (I mean.. these days having a group making sure your voice is heard by politicians it  MUST, and keeping positions filled is necessity) I don’t start till next week so I have one more week to enjoy unemployment and I really really wish I wasn’t broke or I would do so by getting a little more vacationing in.

I just realized that today is the last day I get to avoid the news. I was always a little bit of a news junky but after reading, watching, and listening to the news for 6 months at my last job I have pretty much spent my unemployed time reading only the local paper, watching the evening news, reading TIME and making the occasional stop at Politico. I have really been trying to get back into news about nonpolitical things. But now that I’m going back into the workforce I will need to eat sleep and breath politics.

Yay News!!

I’m feeling some very interesting posts coming out of this new immersion into news..

p.s. I was going to post the Maddow sketch from snl last night…but just rewatched it… it was really only a little  funny while i was medicated last night. now I’m worried that cold meds cloud my judgement way more than I thought.hmm

I need a time machine. Seriously. Not to go back in time and re-live or change anything.No. I want to see into the future. Specifically, I want to see myself at 30. What will I be like in 7 years? Will I have my masters? My Ph.D? Where will I live? What will I be doing? Will I have the same friends that I have now? Will I like the same things that I do now? Will I have accomplished all I have set out to do by then? Will I have kids? Will I have these locs? What tragic things will have happened? Will my Granny be alive? Will I be alive?

I use to have everything all figured out about my future. In 10th grade we had to write our own obituaries. (Later our teacher got in a bunch of trouble for making a bunch of 15 yr olds write about their own death..but it was actually kind of fun.) I remember sitting down and writing out a beautiful story about my life and the children I would have and my two careers (at that point I was still convinced at 40 i would go back to school and change my career). I think I died at 100 or so.  That next year, the future changed for me as the husband in my obituary became my wife. In 12th grade I had to do a wedding project in Sociology. Since I was the most out queer spokesperson in the entire school (my highschool was VERY queer friendly, with a host of queer students and teachers) of course I made my wedding to a girl (My first). It was a beautiful wedding(my dress was very Hillary Swank Million Dollar Baby Oscar dress, minus the long sleeves and cuter in the front)..I did a really good job and of course got an “A”. I knew what college I was going to my freshman year of high school, I knew what I was going to study and it all came true. But if you asked me 7 yrs ago what I thought my life would be like now I never could have even imagined some of the stuff that has happened to me in those 7 years.

I use to always have it figured out every time something major changed in my life. “Ok, now that this has happened my future will look like..this.” I wanted to have all my children before I was 30. I wanted to be a Psychologist and live oversees. Now, for the very first time I just don’t know. I feel like in the last year I have learned to stop planning and just go with the opportunities that I come across. I took the blinders off to things outside of the ” Master Plan”. I have learned in my chosen field that sometimes (almost all the time) your job takes you away from the life you make and most ppl never really settle or have kids till much much later.

I just wish I could have a peek into my life at 30..

But since I don’t have a time machine I’ll just pray to Oshun for good health and prosperity, I’ll pray to Oya to bring the winds of change to continue to let me learn and grow, and I’ll pray to Yemaya to keep me safe along the journey.

oh..so this video is mad random BUT these two beautiful souls came to me in a dream last night.. And this piece is so perfect..no?

Happy 2009 everyone! Our trip to Las Vegas is finally over. It was the best and worst of times. I truly regret inviting my old roomate and sharing a room with her and her “friend”. Other than wanting to kill her the entire time we had fun and I look forward to making the trip again some time.

Last night, while my body was still on Vegas time and I couldn’t get to sleep, I thought about the 5 things I want to work on/accomplish/see through in 2009.

Lose 40lbs- I have struggled with my weight for far too long. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not obese or anything, but I really need to work on things for various health reasons. It’s not just me being vain or wanting to have a perfect body. ( 40lbs ago I was a 9/10) I fear that if I don’t start losing the weight my bulging disc in my lower back will become my herniated disc and my heart palpitations and slightly elevated blood pressure will become heart disease or worse.  I’m just trying to insure I stay on this earth long enough to make a difference. But, I wouldn’t mind being able to downsize the clothes in my closet

Read more than I watch TV- I use to read A LOT. I read for pleasure and for school, but recently I haven’t done either. Last semester I think I read a combined 4 chapters out of the two classes and four books I had. That’s pretty sad. I plan to read EVERY assignment this semester and read at least one book a month that is not assigned. Yesterday I started “Eat, Pray, Love” to kick 2009 off. I have a more than enough books sitting around that I need to read and finish (and my gf has a full library of books I haven’t read)

Cut some people off my team- After this trip I have decided that it is time to distance and cut off some people from my life. I have too many people in my life that actually share and contribute to my life, people that enjoy my company and I enjoy theirs, people that keep me out and away from their drama (if and when they have it. I don’t mind talking about your drama with you but I’ll be damned if I end up in the middle of it.)So I am reorganizing and dropping those that just take up too much of my energy. ( the old roommate has already tried to plan a trip to St. Louis, and it’s just not happening..she can come but I’m not here to entertain her and she can’t stay with us..no way. I’ve had enough)

Study for and take the GRE/Apply for Grad school- yep I’m going to really do some planning and take a proactive approach to the next step in my education.

Find a side hustle-  As much as I like working, I like not working.lol I like making my own schedule and staying at home. I like being able to twitter all day and look at the websites I like without stupid deadlines set by others. SO… I need to find a side deal that could eventually turn into a major life sustaining deal (which i think I may have..stay tuned).

So those are the things I want to work on all year. I also plan to make short term goals at the beginning of each month and week that will keep me on task and organized. I am still working on my life list and hope to scratch off at least 5 things off.

2009 will be a good year for me, I plan to really learn from last years lessons and just be more positive.