Life has been way too busy.. I’ll be back with my rants and raves (hopefully some really good commentary on the things going on in the world right now) in the middle of next month.

I will be drafting posts as things come up so I can have plenty of content going forward.

Stay tuned folks..it’s coming. (ps.. I don’t know exactly when it’s all going to go down..but if you subscribe to this blog via google reader…you can be one of the first to know.)

PLEASE POST ON YOUR BLOGS, SITES, LISTS etc. Help us reach the folks we need.
“Many of you have already heard about our film, Baby Makes me. For you, this is an update. But for the folks who have not heard Tiona and I are making a documentary together.

For years, I have wanted to become a mother. But the timing has never been quite right. Either my partners weren’t ready, or I was scared, or I couldn’t find a donor or something. There was always something. By the time I rolled into 35, I was tired of being afraid, tired of waiting for the right woman with whom it would be the right time, tired of watching every Christmas roll over another Birthday, tired of watching my peers get knocked up and months later appear with the most amazing little bundle of potential—I was tired of waiting and ready to make the leap, and I was ready to make it alone.

I began the research with great heart—only to discover that there were little no resources for women who either wanted to, or had to embark on the journey of motherhood in the solo. There were one or two essays and a few books on artificial insemination, and some were even directed at lesbians—but most, if not all assumed that the mother would be operating from inside of a partnership, be that partnership heterosexual or homosexual.

The idea for the film came out of a conversation with Tiona to film the pregnancy/labor, assuming that there would be one—because no one, least of all me, knows if my body will cooperate in doing such a thing as conceiving. I envisioned Tiona asking a couple of heartfelt questions and spinning the light to create a high-end home-movie I could show my child at eighteen. She agreed and we began to flesh out some ideas. That conversation, coupled with the lack of resource material out there spurred the project now known as Baby Makes Me.

Baby Makes Me, a feature-length documentary, will explore the challenges and triumphs of Single Motherhood, particularly in the lives of women of color, lesbians and women who make a conscious choice to be mothers in the absence of intimate/romantic partnerships with men.

The film will use as its narrative skeleton, the journey of activist/writer/performer,

We all have our hurdles in the queer community… Butch women are constantly out… femmes are invisible…but it’s us in the middle that get forgotten.

We are the lonely bunch..never butch enough..never comfortable enough as femme. We negotiate a space where people wonder about us constantly..where it’s not really a surprise that we are what we are, people just wait for confirmation.  The outside world thinks we are an acceptable amount of queer..easy to identify yet not threatening.

We’re the acceptable. Like light skinned curly haired black people..we get a pass.

But in our own community we are forgotten..shuffled into a neater box..shunned when we step out of it. We can’t conform to the heteronormative limitations people like to make the rules in this community. We don’t count for who we are..we only count when we can be put in one or the other..we make ppl uneasy. Challenge a butch that see’s us one day in girl clothes and the next in the same things as them.

My community forgets me because I don’t fit in their boxes..so how could I understand..or matter.

But we understand so much more clearly than people give us credit… I know what it feels like to be a dyke on sight and I know what it feels like to be completely invisible..and I know what it feels like not to matter. I know what it feels like to be written off..to be safe…to be alone

But none of that matters. Because nobody makes films about me…nobody writes books about my struggle..nobody puts together conferences..

Because nobody knows we exist until we make a choice.

Luminous Night Media, a new media company focused on bringing the entire queer community together, creating spaces for queer people, and increasing queer visibility, is seeking nominations for an online project featuring queers who excel in their fields (sports, entertainment, arts, politics, activism, academia, etc) We want to be able to recognize those individuals who in their life/craft give visibility for queer people as a whole.  The nominees will be compiled and then placed online. So go ahead, nominate that best friend of yours who’s an emerging artist, that out professor at your local university, the collective of women who are working on telling queer stories through film, the fly guy or gal that puts together queer events, heck nominate yourself!   We would like to see representation all over the US with varying age ranges, ethnicities, gender and gender presentation. It’s easy all you have to do is fill out this Online Form

And we’ll do the rest! Forward and Re post this so we can get as many people as possible to contribute to this project! If you have any questions about this project please email us at luminousnightmedia@gmail.com

Jessica & Laura Luna

Luminous Night Media

Because this song gives me LIFE..

I love music that makes me remember why I fell in love with music in the first place…

I guess in saying everything I have in the last two posts I should share how I self identify my sexuality. I, as stated before, believe that Queer is an umbrella term that houses all the LGBTQ… community. To me a stud is queer the same way a femme is queer. We are all one big happy queer family. But I do believe that under that umbrella their are a multitude of sub-identities. I self identify as Same-Gender Loving.

Same Gender Loving (SGL) is a term coined by AA’s to define homosexuality outside of the eurocentric homosexual definition. (Kinda like Womanist vs Feminist except without as much theoretical difference behind it) SGL speaks to the spiritual connection rather than the sex. (Since almost everything based in a eurocentric mindset is lacking in spirit..another blog for another day) I love the fact that it has the word “Loving” in it…not “sexual” but “loving”.  This is the basis of what it means..nothing too elaborate, but like with every queer identity there is more to that definition as it pertains to me.

To me the word “Gender” is just as important as the word “Loving”. I spent two years of undergrad immersing myself in gender theory, learning about how gender is different than sex, learning how it is formed and how it is expressed. The simple fact is we do gender, it has nothing to do with our sex per say although it sometimes lines up. Gender is a spectrum..from hyper masculine to hyper feminine and we all fall in there somewhere.Gender is also fluid, changing, encompassing more than what we know.

The gender that I “do” is female but very close to androgynous, although a lot of my behaviors can be seen as masculine (I am ever changing and the older I get the harder I lean on the androgynous line) So as a SGL individual I am attracted to other individuals that “do” female or androgyny.

My girlfriend is 500% female, she is a High Femme…and as Fabu as she can be. I’ve never been with anyone that does female the way that she does and I LOVE IT! She is the epitome of what I’ve always wanted in a female and a partner..she is the epitome of a lot of things..but I’ll save that for later

Easy to understand huh? Well here comes the “gotcha gotcha”  that seems to make some ppl say..”Huh?” I’m also  attracted to men(biological) that can bring that same female energy.(GASP) Now I must follow that by saying..honey..I don’t have sex with men (biological or in gender) so no matter if they were bringing some level of femininity that hasn’t even been charted yet bc it’s so BRIGHT..if they have some extra body parts I could NEVER get down. Now,post operation..hmm..I’ve never been in that situation to tell you how I feel about that. But I am attracted..I will take a double look, i will comment on how beautiful they are..and I do have a crush on a certain beautiful man named B. Scott! (who doesn’t)

That no men rule applies to gender as well as sex. I don’t do well with girls more masculine than me. Studs, AG’s, Bois…nope..they all do their Gender as male and since I am a Same Gender Loving FEMALE they get no play from me.

Got it?

I guess to recap, I love people whose gender is female…whether they are biologically female or male..but I’m only sexually attracted to people that are biologically female. That seems easy to me..but I understand that I don’t fit into most peoples definition of a lesbian..so I only use that word when its used by others first. But I’m use to not fitting in neatly (another post for another day)

So this exploration is not over… I think I could talk about Queer Identity all day

Peace

As I continue to delve into thinking about how we form individual ideals of what queer identity is (as much for a topic here as in my own exploration of my identity), I think it’s important to think about how this variable identity intersects with all of our other identities…thinking about how they over lap and intertwine…how they are distinct yet so much alike.

There are also a million questions about how individuals with multiple identities work them…How many do you have? Do you form and individual understanding of each or just let them fall into place based on society? Can they change?

Most of us have multiple identities, and many of us have multiple identities that are social “marginalized” or considered “minorities”.  For example I am a triple “minority”… Black/Queer/Female. Each of my identities hold their own weight, they have their own meanings which have nothing to do with the others and everything to do with the others. They are three distinct identities that while they appear to be completely separate they can not be. I am at all times all of these things, I can’t put away my sex and just be my race nor can I put away my race and just be queer.  And while I can’t separate them, i also can’t protect them from each other. I can’t shield my queerness from the homophobia of the black community and I can’t shield my blackness from the white queers that have no idea what it means to have more than one oppressive force standing on their neck.

All multi-identity people must find a balance of these identities, must find a way to 1) identify the way that makes them comfortable, 2) confront and deal with the intersections of these identities and 3) develop a way to fit into all of the communities you are part of.

I think for many QPOC this can be very difficult, especially when one of there communities is oppressive of  another.One of my biggest pet peeves (and I know that some people just can’t balance) are QPOC that choose one identity over the other. The type that  that despite the fact that homophobia and heterosexism blatantly effects their lives they will abandon and even openly detach themselves from queer issues to make a point that racism is more relevant to them. How do you choose which of your own identities doesn’t deserve to be fought for? How do you separate and neglect one identity from the other? To me that sounds like cutting off your nose to spite your face.

How many identities do you have? And how do you balance them when they are conflicting? Do you have one that you identify with more? Do you find yourself in a community of people that identify with all the same identities as you are do the people you spend time with share just one and are otherwise diverse?

I never really thought about how many questions there are to ask about identity…hmmm

Lately I have been giving much thought to what it means to be Queer, or better yet what it means to identify as Queer. I’ve never really had any problems with identifying myself or with how others identify. I just find it so fascinating that the Queer identity is so multifaceted…that there is no definition, reference point, tried and true indicator of what Queer is…unlike most identities.

For example, if you are black there is history behind that here in the US. Being black means that your ancestors where forced from their homes on boats to come to this country, that your grandparents and greatgrand parents lived through Jim Crow laws or escaped Jim Crow laws for the sanctuary of the North. Being black means holding the legacy of the civil rights movement in your veins. Being black carries with it a set of uniform societal problems…the issues you face as a black person in the US are both well documented and acknowledged..even if that acknowledgement comes in the form of denial that they exist. The same goes for identifying as a women (biologically speaking) or identifying as an academic or any other identity we are either born into, grow into, or build for ourselves.

But Queer is different. There are so many questions about Queerness that must be asked of the individual and not the identity. The history of Queerness is subjective and spotty, people don’t so much know the history of this as they know the history of themselves. So I ask..What makes you Queer? Is Queer an identity or is it some umbrella term that houses every other term that makes up the complicated beauty of the LGBTQ[insert all the rest of the letters here] community? Or are all those other labels we put on ourselves  just adjectives to our Queerness? Is there a difference between being a Femme and a Queer Femme? or a Femme Lesbian? Does Queerness and sexuality play hand in hand? Or is it seperate? Is it important?  Are there degrees of Queerness?  Are you Queer or do you “do” Queer like you “do” gender? How does your gender interact, define, negotiate with your queerness?

Am I asking you too many questions? Don’t these things need to be asked to properly understand each other? To get rid of that little twitch some people get when you call them by an identity or a label they don’t subscribe to?

The name of my blog is Quarterlife Queer..not so much because I soley identify as a queer woman..but because I like the room to move around..I like Queer as an umbrella term of subsections and catagories that one can choose to participate in or not. I like that you can just be Queer..or you can be a Butch Lesbian..who in my eyes is one in the same.

More to come on this topic soon..

Your thoughts?

Some would say I was born an idealist. I would say I was just born with an unalterable determination. It’s landed me here…working for an organization that fights and wins in the State. An organization that time and time again stands up to the giant..picks up a rock and launches it. The giant falls all the time. It’s tough work. It’s tougher knowing all the things that are going on in the Missouri legislature and not being able to throw a rock at every giant.

I was reminded twice in the near past that MONA (The Missouri Nondiscrimination Act) has not passed. That in a world where Iowa..of all places..can do something so progressive (and by progressive I mean RIGHT) as legalize same-sex marriage, this state it is perfectly legal to discriminate against me based on my sexual orientation. How does that make sense?

This state also has a legislature that voted to allow concealed weapons on the campuses of state universities, freeze the pay rate for tipped employees (despite 76% of voters in the state voting to raise and make COLA adjustments to the minimum wages of tipped employees), and refused billions of dollars in stimulus money while cutting essential health and social services programs.

I live in a very ass-backwards place. I may have been born here but this is no home to me. I am, however, here to fight the good fight and, as they say, ” Do the Lord’s work”

I often wonder how I can do more..

In my dreamworld I have the time and resources to bring all the giants to their knees and elect legislators that understand the importance of doing the right thing.